whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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