Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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