I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
