Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
