i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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