there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
