I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I will pee on everything he values.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
