it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
