Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
