so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
