so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
