God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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