Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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