She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
