I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
