You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
