the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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