it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
