Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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