She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
