At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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