Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
