you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
