Kiss
Puke
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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