it was like eating out sand paper
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
