Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
