if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
