She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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