I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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