that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
