you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
