just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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