You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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