dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
