at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
