I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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