I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
