We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
