i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
