I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
well you can't waste a boner
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
