Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Still dying that you shit outside
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
