Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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