i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
