the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
