Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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