onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
