based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
