Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
