No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
