I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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