We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
