Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So many bounce houses so little time
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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