He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The ass gains better be worth it
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