Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
