i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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