We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
