god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
