Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
