my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
