she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
